Statistics

Season 2004/05

62 runs @ 7.75
19 wickets @ 13.00

Career, 1996/97 to 2003/04

1296 runs @ 10.98
321 wickets @ 18.59

Player Profile

Name: Field Marschall Von Heitmann
Marital Status: singe (there is a 7-year-old chil in the UK who looks life me, never knew the mothers name), apart from that fact that my favourite establishments are the Firm (SA), Men's Gallery (Vic) and Langtrees (WA).
Occupation: work for the dole, statistician and rule book
Highest Score: 42 for PAC, 3rd XI, 1985, 39 for PAOCCC, C-Grade, 1995.96, however I consider my 38 retried hurt as a better highest score (retired hung over would be a better explanation) C-Grade, Victoria Park 1994/95
Best Bowling: 6 for 9 off 16 overs for Westcliffe-On Sea Cricket Club, Essex, England, June 1997. 6/16 off 9 overs for PAOCCC, 1995/96.
Greatest Cricket Achievement: top scoring batting number 11 with 9 not out in the C-Grade in 1988/89. being runner up to Andrew Olsson in the Redman Award, 1994/95. playing for the Brighton East Cricket Club (from Victoria) in a tour match against Lynton-Lynmouth Cricket Club, North Devon, England, June 1997
Ambition for this season:Introduce Boag's Draught to as many players as possible. win another premiership with Olly
Most memorable moment at PAOCCC: my hat-trick delivery in the C-Grade 1994/95, being awarded the Moffat Trophy for Best Club Man in 1995/96 and again in 1999/2000, opening the batting in C-Grade during the 1999/2000 Semi-Final
Most memorable game for PAOCCC: any game involving Ben Allen, Peter Ingman, Dave Krantz, Andrew Olsson. the C-Grade's win in Round 7 in 1993/94 under captain David Lockwood, it was the first win for the team since round 2 of 1990/91... we had gone without a win in 3 years under Andrew Olsson's captaincy, it was funny that this was the only game Olly missed that season. the 1999/2000 C-Grade Crand Final win, the 2004/05 E-Grade Semi-Final win
Funniest memory from the PAOCCC: paying Alex Holness and Tim Fletcher $300 to play cricket for me so I could join the Red Rooters as they supported Chopper's C's at Park 15. the Red Rag (especially Dave Krantz's covers, Sam Pontifex's editorials and Craig Tate's Melbourne tour reviews) .. it's probably time for a comeback ... I have plenty of material ... starting with the Queer Eye for the Grant-eye article. any of the road trips to Craig Tate's place in Melbourne with Sam Pont, Nick Fenwick, Sean Tanner, Brenton Gibbs, Ben Allen, Peter Ingman, Simon Butler and Rob Graziani
Most admired player at PAOCCC (past / present): past - David Krantz (brought humour to the game), Sam Pontifex (best cricketer I ever played with). present - Andrew Olsson (eternal youth), Aaron Read (best captain I have played under).
Favourite social event: any PAOCCC Anti-Social Committee event, especially Montezuma's before it went mainstream. all the Gentlemen's evenings ... sorry I wasn't there this year Glamour
Most embarrassing cricket moment: throwing up whilst umpiring at square leg the moment Matt "Jonty" Johnson cut his way to his maiden century at Victoria Park, C-Grade, 1994/95. missing the B-Grade premiership photo, 2002/03 ... I had the shield, as seen in the photo above.
Favourite aspect of cricket: batting, enjoying the banter on the sidelines while the team is batting, having a beer after the game
Which song would you like to walk out to bat to: Panzerlied ... if you have ever watched the Battle of the Bulge you would understand
Do you have any cricket superstitions: shave my head for grand final games

Favourite

Actor: Michael Caine, Sean Connery, "Reverend Slipwell"
Actress: Sophie Marceau, Catherine Zeta Jones, Jenna Jameson
Movie: A Bridge Too Far, Lawrence of Arabia, Zulu, Animal House, Rounders, The Big Lebowski, The Sheets of San Francisco, Cape Town II
TV Show: Late Night Poker, The Simpson's
Band / Group: Solo - David Bowie, Cat Stevens, Neil Diamond, Dom Mariani. Group - Midnight Oil, The Stems, Crank, Cerveza y Putas
Food: Tip Top bread, butter chicken from Jasmin
Drink: Adelaide tap water, Southwark Bitter, Scottish whiskey
Favourite Australian cricket player (past or present): Past - Greg Chappell, Dennis Lillee, Rod March, Allan Border. Present - none since Steve Waugh retired.
Favourite International cricket player (past or present): Past - Sir Richard Hadlee, Ian Botham. Present - Jacques Kallis, Brian Lara
Sportsperson: male - Greg Norman and Sean Tanner (equal favourite). female - Maria Sharapova
AFL team: Carlton and Sturt

Other

What would be your ideal job? Professional poker player, national park ranger or publican
If you were not playing cricket, what would you be playing: golf, "assk" or some other form of card game
If you could have three people to dinner, who would they be and why? Adolf Hitler - to be able to meet the man, chat about his rise to power, talk about his military tactics and tehn after dinner challenge him to a game of Axis and Allies. David Bowie - learn about the man and his music, get him to sign every item in my Bowie collection and have him sing acoustic versions of my favourite songs while I play A&A with Adolf. Sophie Marceau - to meet the most beautiful woman in the world face to face and get her to keep the bed warm until I have shown Adolf how the master race could have won the war